Eye contact in Berlin - a short guide

Look, I get it. You’re new to Berlin, and that intimidating hottie across the U-Bahn has been “staring” at you for the past three stations. Your heart’s racing, thinking this is the start of your Berlin love story. You’re already planning which bar in Kreuzberg you’ll hit for your first date. You almost find the courage to speak to them.

But, plot twist, it turns out you’re blocking the door with your massive Ikea bag, and they’re mentally rehearsing how to say ‘excuse me’ in their best passive-aggressive German.

This is an exaggeration, but you will probably start noticing that people in Berlin look at you a bit more than you are used to. So, I prepared a short guide for you to correctly interpret the “Berlin (or German) stare”.

(If you are a dude, ALL of this is required reading. No, she’s not playing hard to get - she’s trying to get to her platform.)

What is the difference between eye contact and staring?

Nobody can tell precisely, but you will really feel* a stare. It can feel threatening or rude and often includes bits of mental disease. The line is thin, but I’d say that an average “German eye contact” or “checking people out” would be considered staring in many other cultures. I call it a “German stare”, and Germans don’t consider it rude at all.

*in my books, 4-5 or more seconds qualifies as an unpleasant stare

What does eye contact mean in Berlin?

Nothing really. It’s just a German thing of having a look at people.

Does eye contact on public transport mean romantic interest?

No.

Does eye contact in stores mean romantic interest?

No.

Does eye contact on the street mean romantic interest?

Again, no.

Does eye contact in the office mean romantic interest?

Sorry, but no.

Does eye contact in the gym mean romantic interest?

No, people are there to work out.

Someone looked at me, not once, but twice in public. Does it mean they are interested in me?

No.

Does eye contact in the bar/club mean romantic interest?

Only if it happens several times and includes a lot of smiling. This rule could, of course, apply to all other situations.

Should I keep eye contact with the bouncer?

Behave like a normal human being would and hope for the best.

Are they into me or just German?

Probably just German or foreigners who have gotten so used to the “German stare” that they started to do it themselves.

When is eye contact mandatory in Berlin or Germany?

When you “prost!” clinking your drinks, you should look the person in the eyes unless you want to have years of bad sex. As far as I know, this is very common also in the Balkans, Austria and probably in the whole region of “Mitteleuropa”.

And yes, you should make eye contact with actual humans, not just products. That means looking at the bakery lady instead of having an intimate staring contest with your Dinkelbrot. The same goes for the barista - they’re the ones making your oat milk flat white, not the coffee machine.

Making eye contact with the ticket inspector on the S-Bahn doesn’t make your expired ticket any more valid, but hey, at least you can try and fail with dignity.

Emergency eye contact situations and how to handle them

• If someone stares at you on the U8: check if you’re sitting in vomit
• If people on a crowded train are giving you looks: Your backpack is probably still on your back and that’s considered rude
• If someone in the gym stares at you: check if your phone speaker is blasting music nobody else wants to hear
• If your German neighbour stares at you: check if you are folding and cutting cardboard boxes before throwing them away

That’s all. Believe me, you’ll get used to it. If I missed anything, do let me know, I’ll be happy to add it.

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